Sometimes when I speak about self esteem in one of my classes, I will look into the eyes of one of the attendees and see there the same hurt and confusion I used to feel before learning to use the concepts I’m teaching.
Every time I see that look I desperately want to hug them in my arms and say “let me teach you a better, truer, way to see yourself.”
People get so confused about the important skill of self esteem. Many people go through life trying to get their esteem from everything around them. They think “When I . . . I will be happier, more fulfilled, content.” Their “When I . . .,” could be, find a better mate, get a better job, lose weight, get an education, etc.
Here’s what I want those sad eyed people and every one to understand, self esteem doesn’t come from out there. No one can give you self esteem but yourself.
We go through life hoping people will like us, respect us, or even love us. However, we will only let people like, love and respect us to the level that we have learned to like, love and respect ourselves.
If someone comes into our lives and they like, love or respect us at a higher level then we currently have learned to like, love and respect ourselves we won’t trust them. We have a little voice inside saying something like “sure, if they knew me the way I know myself they wouldn’t like, love or respect me so much.” And then in our suspiciousness we begin to pick on the relationship until we finally get them down to our level. Then we think “what happened? They used to like, love and respect me at a much higher level.” We happened! We will not let people come into our lives and love us at a higher level than we have learned to love ourselves.
So, in order to earn the esteem of others we must first esteem ourselves.
Please, if you’re like I was years ago and you look into the mirror and you do not see how you could ever love the person you see there, let me help.
Are you ready to have more self esteem? If so, here are a few exercises you can use to begin to see a truer image of yourself. Now remember, progress is made one small step at a time. You don’t need to begin to see yourself totally differently overnight. Each small step you take will lead you closer to being able to see the amazing you inside.
Start by asking yourself “How do I talk to myself inside my head?” This is a big one because if your self talk is defeated, “I’ll never be any good at this. I’m so stupid. No one will ever truly love me.” Your life will be defeated. Begin to turn those thoughts around! If you think “I’ll never be any good at this,” stop yourself and change those thoughts to something like “I can get good at this. I just need to ask for help or take a class or get a mentor.” Change “I’m so stupid” into “I’m as smart as anyone else and I’m going to prove it!” Change “No one will ever truly love me” into “I deserve to be loved and honored.” Each hopeful thought will begin to move you in the direction of improved self esteem.
I also want you to come up with a list of at least 10 things to like about yourself. I know this may sound hard for some of you but keep at it and you can come up with some. As you grow in this strength you will be able to come up with more.
Here is one more important piece of self esteem homework.. Every night, just before you go to sleep, think of something from your day to be grateful for. Let yourself drift off with that gratitude in your heart.
Here’s my promise to you; when you diligently do these steps, not only will your self esteem improve, but, a little at a time, your entire life will begin to improve.
Here’s to your Continued Success!
